Death
Only three people feel grief when someone dies.
Other people do not feel grief when someone dies.
Other people feel imagined loneliness when someone dies.
When you picture an endless future without particular person, it makes you feel an empty feeling. That feeling is imagined loneliness which is mistaken as grief.
Grief is much worse than imagined loneliness.
While grief and imagined loneliness are both negative emotions caused by death, they differ in two important ways.
First, grief is a stronger negative emotion than imagined loneliness. Simply put, it's more emotionally painful. At a child's funeral, the mother and grandmother feel much worse than father, grandfather or siblings.
Second, grief is forever and imagined loneliness is not. Someone who feels grief will feel it whenever they think of the dead person. Someone who feels imagined loneliness only feels it while they imagine a future without the deceased person. They can stop their imagined loneliness by imagining a future with other people. A grieving person cannot do that.
Grief causes frowning.
When someone is feeling strong grief, they will involuntarily frown - the corners of their mouth will turn downwards in the opposite direction of a smile. It is the same expression that occurs when you feel disgust but more sustained - it lasts more than a second or two.
Sustained frowning is a clear signal of grieving that cannot be faked or misinterpreted. If somebody shows sustained frowning they are grieving.
Grief can cause crying, but only indirectly.
Crying is only caused by loneliness - real or imagined. Crying is often suppressed to be released later by any strong emotion, including grief. So grief can cause crying but only if the person was already lonely.
Crying and grief cannot be reliably connected. Crying does not mean somebody feels grief. And not crying does not mean that somebody does not feel grief.
When someone dies, focus concern on the grieving.
When dealing with the family and friends of somebody who died, focus your sympathy on those that feel grief - their mother, grandmothers and man if loved by one. These people are feeling more pain than anybody else. Everybody else is just feeling imagined loneliness.
Don't feel bad if you don't feel grief.
When someone you know dies, you probably won't feel grief. The vast majority of the people who die before you will be your grandparents, parents, long-term partners and friends. None of these people will make you feel grief.
Unfortunately, it is incorrectly assumed that when someone dies everybody who "loved" or was close to the deceased will feel grief. And if you don't feel grief you must not have "loved" or been close to the deceased.
Only the mother, grandmother and man in love can feel grief. If you're not one of these people, don't expect to feel grief. More importantly, don't question your humanity - you're normal.
- mothers feel maternal grief if their children die before them
- grandmothers feel grandmaternal grief if their grandchildren die before them
- men feel monogynic grief if the woman they love dies while they love them
Other people do not feel grief when someone dies.
- fathers do feel grief if their children die
- grandfathers do not feel if their grandchildren die
- children do not feel grief if their parents die
- siblings do not feel grief if their siblings die
- friends do not feel grief if their friends die
Other people feel imagined loneliness when someone dies.
When you picture an endless future without particular person, it makes you feel an empty feeling. That feeling is imagined loneliness which is mistaken as grief.
Grief is much worse than imagined loneliness.
While grief and imagined loneliness are both negative emotions caused by death, they differ in two important ways.
First, grief is a stronger negative emotion than imagined loneliness. Simply put, it's more emotionally painful. At a child's funeral, the mother and grandmother feel much worse than father, grandfather or siblings.
Second, grief is forever and imagined loneliness is not. Someone who feels grief will feel it whenever they think of the dead person. Someone who feels imagined loneliness only feels it while they imagine a future without the deceased person. They can stop their imagined loneliness by imagining a future with other people. A grieving person cannot do that.
Grief causes frowning.
When someone is feeling strong grief, they will involuntarily frown - the corners of their mouth will turn downwards in the opposite direction of a smile. It is the same expression that occurs when you feel disgust but more sustained - it lasts more than a second or two.
Sustained frowning is a clear signal of grieving that cannot be faked or misinterpreted. If somebody shows sustained frowning they are grieving.
Grief can cause crying, but only indirectly.
Crying is only caused by loneliness - real or imagined. Crying is often suppressed to be released later by any strong emotion, including grief. So grief can cause crying but only if the person was already lonely.
Crying and grief cannot be reliably connected. Crying does not mean somebody feels grief. And not crying does not mean that somebody does not feel grief.
When someone dies, focus concern on the grieving.
When dealing with the family and friends of somebody who died, focus your sympathy on those that feel grief - their mother, grandmothers and man if loved by one. These people are feeling more pain than anybody else. Everybody else is just feeling imagined loneliness.
Don't feel bad if you don't feel grief.
When someone you know dies, you probably won't feel grief. The vast majority of the people who die before you will be your grandparents, parents, long-term partners and friends. None of these people will make you feel grief.
Unfortunately, it is incorrectly assumed that when someone dies everybody who "loved" or was close to the deceased will feel grief. And if you don't feel grief you must not have "loved" or been close to the deceased.
Only the mother, grandmother and man in love can feel grief. If you're not one of these people, don't expect to feel grief. More importantly, don't question your humanity - you're normal.
For more about emotions, visit: Happiness Dissected
