Pride
You feel pride when your rank increases.
You feel pride, for example, when you:
- graduate from school
- win an award or contest
- are the underdog and win
- are complimented by others
- get a job offer, promoted or a raise
- get better assets, such as cars or clothes
- are treated as an equal by a higher-ranking person
You feel pride because your rank is higher, not because your rank is high. Rookies feel pride, but veteran all-stars do not. Recent nursing graduates feel pride, but doctors nearing retirement do not.
The bigger your increase in rank, the stronger the pride you feel.
Graduating from college, for example, makes you feel more pride than just passing a course. When successful people describe their life stories, they often start by describing an impoverished beginning to make their increase in rank as big as possible - to make the pride they feel as strong as possible.
Strong pride makes you smile involuntarily.
Big winners beam after winning. Winners often try to hide their involuntary smiling. They are uncomfortable with the involuntary reaction. And they want to avoid making others feel envy.
You feel imaginary pride more often than real pride.
You feel imaginary pride when you imagine your rank increasing. We all do this when we are working towards a long term goal, such as getting a college degree or buying a house. You imagine how you'll feel when you reach your goal to keep yourself motivated when studying for exams or working overtime for extra income. That motivation is imaginary pride.
Imaginary pride is not as strong as real pride. You feel weak pride when you imagine yourself being handed a diploma at a graduation ceremony. You feel much stronger pride when it actually happens.
People buy lottery tickets to better enjoy imaginary pride. It does not make sense to buy lottery tickets based on the odds alone. The expected value of winning is less than the ticket price. However, it does make sense if you include the ticket holder's enjoyment of imaginary pride. A ticket holder can credibly tell themselves that they could be a winner. So they feel stronger imaginary pride than non-ticket holders.
There are two kinds of pride: achievement-pride and asset-pride.
Achievement-pride is based on what you have done. Asset-pride is based on what you have. You feel achievement-pride when you win a competition or award. You feel asset-pride when you buy a better car or pair of shoes. You also feel asset-pride when you drop names of higher ranking people or describe expensive vacations to others.
Achievement-pride is generally stronger than asset-pride. Achievement-pride is stronger because it is directly tied to a rank increase. Asset-pride is tied to what you own which a crude proxy for your rank. A self-made man driving a new Porsche feels stronger pride than somebody driving a new Porsche bought with inherited wealth.
You feel pride in three situations:
- when you are alone
- when others recognize you
- when you seek recognition from others
The pride you feel when you are alone is weak.
You feel achievement-pride, for example, when you run a faster time while jogging. You feel asset-pride when you buy better clothes. The pride you feel when you are alone is what is meant by a sense of accomplishment.
This pride is weak because you're the only one concluding that your rank has increased.
The pride you feel when others recognize you is strongest.
You feel achievement-pride, for example, when you are complimented or given an award by your peers. You feel asset-pride when strangers turn to look at you because you are wearing fashionable clothes or driving an expensive car.
This pride is strongest because others are voluntarily concluding that your rank has increased.
The pride you feel when you seek recognition from others is never strong.
You feel achievement-pride when you tell others winning a contest or award. You feel asset-pride when you invite people to your new larger house, describe expensive vacations or drop names of higher ranking people.
This pride is weak because the recognition by others is not voluntary. You tell others about your achievements or assets and they are forced to respond with polite confirmation to avoid being rude.
Seeking recognition by others, or bragging, annoys others. They do not enjoy being forced to recognize your achievements or assets so that you can feel pride. It does not make them pride.
Braggarts rationalize bragging by telling themselves that others share their pride. Very few people share a braggart's pride. Most people feel nothing. Peers feel the negative emotion of envy. The only people who might share pride were directly involved in an accomplishment such as parents, coaches, teachers or mentors.
The people that make you feel the strongest pride are former peers.
Whether you are voluntarily recognized by others or seek recognition from others, being recognized as higher rank by a former peer makes you feel stronger pride than a stranger. If you move into a more upscale neighborhood, you will feel stronger pride when a friend from your old neighborhood visits you than when somebody across the street visits. The friend from the old neighborhood knows your rank has increased. The person from the across the street does not.
People whose rank has increased intuitively know that former peers are their best source of pride. When they become successful, they go out of their way to visit old friends or alumni events.
Pride is one of the two most important emotions to happiness.
Your happiness will primarily be determined by two things: having lots of family or friends; having many achievements. This translates into frequently feeling two emotions: affection, pride. Affection provides a steady supply of moderately strong positive emotion, pride provides peaks of very strong positive emotion. You can best maximize your happiness by focusing on these two emotions.
Pride is temporary.
You only feel pride while your higher rank is new. Once your rank is no longer new, you stop feeling pride. New car owners, for example, only feel pride for about a year. A salary raise makes you feel pride until you become accustomed to the bigger bi-weekly deposit.
The temporary nature of pride is a non-trivial issue - as discussed in the following paragraphs.
Pride's temporary nature is why money cannot buy happiness.
Money can buy happiness, but only temporarily. If you win the lottery, you will feel pride if you buy a larger house or fancier car. However, that pride will stop within a couple of years at most. You may still have the money and assets at that point, but you will not be able to increase your rank more. So you will not be able to feel more pride. After feeling the pride associated with winning, the drop in happiness will seem like depression.
Pride's temporary nature explains why rich nations are not happier than poor nations.
Surveys of national happiness always show that rich, developed nations are not happier than poorer, less developed nations. That is because pride is the primary emotion people think about when deciding if they have been happy. And a nation only feels pride by getting richer, not by being rich. So poor, growing countries feel pride. And rich, non-growing countries do not. National happiness is directly correlated with GDP growth, not per capita GDP.
Pride's temporary nature explains mid-life crises.
Throughout childhood and early adulthood, you experience continuous increases in rank. You keep getting taller. You graduate to another grade each year. You get more and more responsibilities and freedoms. You get a job. You get promoted. You get raises. You get your own place. You buy new assets. This continuous increase in rank produces a continuous feeling of pride.
At mid-life, your rank hits a plateau. You do not grow taller. There are no annual graduations. You rarely buy anything that is new to you - you just buy replacements for existing assets. You've held the same position at work for years. And there is no immediate prospect of promotion. Because your rank has hit a plateau, you no longer feel the continuous feeling of pride you did for the first 2-3 decades of life.
People in a mid-life crisis make changes in an effort to feel pride again. The changes often try to make the person younger, which is when they felt more pride. Men buy sports cars. Women get cosmetic surgery. These changes do make people feel pride, but it does not last. The smarter solution is to seek a goal that triggers ongoing pride such as hobby or new career.
Not realizing that pride is temporary leads to career mistakes.
Most people choose a career based on how they imagine they will feel if they worked in that field. A college student, for example, will decide whether to become a doctor based on how he imagines he will feel being a doctor. He imagines himself in a white lab coat with patients and nurses looking to him for answers. He imagines the reaction of his family and friends when he is announces that he is a doctor. These images will make him feel imaginary pride.
This approach is fundamentally flawed because it assumes the pride is permanent. A college student will feel imagined pride when he imagines being the higher rank of doctor. And the student will feel real pride if he becomes a doctor. However, he will not feel that pride for more than a few years. And once that pride ends he will only be left with the daily grind of the job. For many doctors, who enjoy intellectual challenges, the daily grind of interacting with patients with common ailments is boring.
Instead of imaging day one, career choices should imagine day one thousand. Instead of focusing on the reaction of family or friends, a career decision should focus on the required day-to-day activities. Prospective doctors should focus on whether they want to spend 40 hours a week closely interacting with sick people. Prospective lawyers should focus on whether they want to spend 40 hours a week scrutinizing detail in old cases or contracts.
Not realizing that pride is temporary leads to shopping mistakes.
Most people decide to buy a product based on how they imagine they will feel when they own it. For products that signal higher rank, like expensive cars and clothes, they primarily imagine feeling pride.
This approach is fundamentally flawed because it assumes the pride is permanent. People assume they will always feel the pride they imagine feeling when driving their new car or wearing their new shoes. They will not enjoy pride for more than a year at most. Once the pride is gone, they will be left with a credit card bill and a product that does not make them nearly as happy.
A better way to evaluate a purchase is to assume nobody else will see the product. If you would still buy a car or shoes, then you are not buying because of pride. If nobody saw your car or shoes, you higher rank would not be recognized by others making you feel the strongest pride. It's hard to imagine nobody seeing a product. So you may need to be creative with your questions. For example, would you still buy an article of designer clothing if the designer's tags were removed or not visible?
Pride motivates people to start, but not stick to diets.
While you are losing weight, your rank is increasing and you are feeling pride. That pride is the motivation you require to keep dieting or exercising. Pride offsets the hunger of dieting or pain of exercising.
Eventually your weight stops falling, which means your rank stops increasing and you stop feeling pride. Without the offset of pride, you are no longer willing to keep dieting or exercising. You go back to eating too much or not exercising enough.
Dieting or any self-improvement would better achieved without the temporary incentive of pride. Instead of focusing on weight, the improvement should focus on what can be done without the need for pride. Instead of thinking about how fast you ran, you should see how far you can run without it being painful. If it's painful, you won't do it when the pride is gone. If it's pleasant, you'll happily make it part of your routine - without the need for pride.
Also, don't tell others what you are doing - it will encourage you to seek pride. You should treat exercise like brushing your teeth. You do it because it's a good for your health, not because it makes you feel pride. As a result, you don't tell people about brushing your teeth.
Complimenting others is a smart habit.
It costs you nothing to compliment someone and it makes them feel pride. It's an easy way to be more popular which will benefit every aspect of your life - you will get promoted sooner, get a better spouse, have more friends or better adjusted children. It the equivalent to casting sunlight on the garden of people around you. That garden will bloom more for you.
Complimenting has to change to keep working.
If you keep paying somebody the same compliment, they will not keep feeling pride. They will only feel pride the first few times you tell them they are smart or attractive. Repeating the same compliment will just make you an annoying sycophant.
To keep making someone feel pride with compliments, you have to compliment something different - different skills, qualities, achievements or assets. It's okay, for example, to compliment somebody's clothing as long as it is a different article each time.
Throughout childhood and early adulthood, you experience continuous increases in rank. You keep getting taller. You graduate to another grade each year. You get more and more responsibilities and freedoms. You get a job. You get promoted. You get raises. You get your own place. You buy new assets. This continuous increase in rank produces a continuous feeling of pride.
At mid-life, your rank hits a plateau. You do not grow taller. There are no annual graduations. You rarely buy anything that is new to you - you just buy replacements for existing assets. You've held the same position at work for years. And there is no immediate prospect of promotion. Because your rank has hit a plateau, you no longer feel the continuous feeling of pride you did for the first 2-3 decades of life.
People in a mid-life crisis make changes in an effort to feel pride again. The changes often try to make the person younger, which is when they felt more pride. Men buy sports cars. Women get cosmetic surgery. These changes do make people feel pride, but it does not last. The smarter solution is to seek a goal that triggers ongoing pride such as hobby or new career.
Not realizing that pride is temporary leads to career mistakes.
Most people choose a career based on how they imagine they will feel if they worked in that field. A college student, for example, will decide whether to become a doctor based on how he imagines he will feel being a doctor. He imagines himself in a white lab coat with patients and nurses looking to him for answers. He imagines the reaction of his family and friends when he is announces that he is a doctor. These images will make him feel imaginary pride.
This approach is fundamentally flawed because it assumes the pride is permanent. A college student will feel imagined pride when he imagines being the higher rank of doctor. And the student will feel real pride if he becomes a doctor. However, he will not feel that pride for more than a few years. And once that pride ends he will only be left with the daily grind of the job. For many doctors, who enjoy intellectual challenges, the daily grind of interacting with patients with common ailments is boring.
Instead of imaging day one, career choices should imagine day one thousand. Instead of focusing on the reaction of family or friends, a career decision should focus on the required day-to-day activities. Prospective doctors should focus on whether they want to spend 40 hours a week closely interacting with sick people. Prospective lawyers should focus on whether they want to spend 40 hours a week scrutinizing detail in old cases or contracts.
Not realizing that pride is temporary leads to shopping mistakes.
Most people decide to buy a product based on how they imagine they will feel when they own it. For products that signal higher rank, like expensive cars and clothes, they primarily imagine feeling pride.
This approach is fundamentally flawed because it assumes the pride is permanent. People assume they will always feel the pride they imagine feeling when driving their new car or wearing their new shoes. They will not enjoy pride for more than a year at most. Once the pride is gone, they will be left with a credit card bill and a product that does not make them nearly as happy.
A better way to evaluate a purchase is to assume nobody else will see the product. If you would still buy a car or shoes, then you are not buying because of pride. If nobody saw your car or shoes, you higher rank would not be recognized by others making you feel the strongest pride. It's hard to imagine nobody seeing a product. So you may need to be creative with your questions. For example, would you still buy an article of designer clothing if the designer's tags were removed or not visible?
Pride motivates people to start, but not stick to diets.
While you are losing weight, your rank is increasing and you are feeling pride. That pride is the motivation you require to keep dieting or exercising. Pride offsets the hunger of dieting or pain of exercising.
Eventually your weight stops falling, which means your rank stops increasing and you stop feeling pride. Without the offset of pride, you are no longer willing to keep dieting or exercising. You go back to eating too much or not exercising enough.
Dieting or any self-improvement would better achieved without the temporary incentive of pride. Instead of focusing on weight, the improvement should focus on what can be done without the need for pride. Instead of thinking about how fast you ran, you should see how far you can run without it being painful. If it's painful, you won't do it when the pride is gone. If it's pleasant, you'll happily make it part of your routine - without the need for pride.
Also, don't tell others what you are doing - it will encourage you to seek pride. You should treat exercise like brushing your teeth. You do it because it's a good for your health, not because it makes you feel pride. As a result, you don't tell people about brushing your teeth.
Complimenting others is a smart habit.
It costs you nothing to compliment someone and it makes them feel pride. It's an easy way to be more popular which will benefit every aspect of your life - you will get promoted sooner, get a better spouse, have more friends or better adjusted children. It the equivalent to casting sunlight on the garden of people around you. That garden will bloom more for you.
Complimenting has to change to keep working.
If you keep paying somebody the same compliment, they will not keep feeling pride. They will only feel pride the first few times you tell them they are smart or attractive. Repeating the same compliment will just make you an annoying sycophant.
To keep making someone feel pride with compliments, you have to compliment something different - different skills, qualities, achievements or assets. It's okay, for example, to compliment somebody's clothing as long as it is a different article each time.
Being treated as an equal by a higher-ranking person triggers pride.
If a higher-ranking person treats you as an equal, it feels like your rank has risen to their higher level. This happens when you meet a famous person. Feeling your rank rise to the level of the famous person makes you feel pride.
High-ranking people, like royalty, know they have this effect on lower-ranking people. They know that investing a few minutes being down-to-earth with ordinary people leaves them with a strong positive memory. Afterwards, those ordinary people tell many friends and family how likeable the high-ranking person is.
A peculiar example of this occurs when bystanders are interviewed at the scene of tragedies. These people usually smile when interviewed by television reporters despite describing the grim details of the tragedy. They are smiling involuntarily because they are feeling pride. Their rank has risen to somebody who is on television.
If a higher-ranking person treats you as an equal, it feels like your rank has risen to their higher level. This happens when you meet a famous person. Feeling your rank rise to the level of the famous person makes you feel pride.
High-ranking people, like royalty, know they have this effect on lower-ranking people. They know that investing a few minutes being down-to-earth with ordinary people leaves them with a strong positive memory. Afterwards, those ordinary people tell many friends and family how likeable the high-ranking person is.
A peculiar example of this occurs when bystanders are interviewed at the scene of tragedies. These people usually smile when interviewed by television reporters despite describing the grim details of the tragedy. They are smiling involuntarily because they are feeling pride. Their rank has risen to somebody who is on television.
A rags to riches story is the best life plan.
If your rank increases throughout your life, you will feel pride throughout your life. To experience a lifetime of increasing rank, you must start at the bottom. People who start above the bottom are unlikely to experience continuously increasing rank. Their rank will hit a plateau years before they die.
If your rank increases throughout your life, you will feel pride throughout your life. To experience a lifetime of increasing rank, you must start at the bottom. People who start above the bottom are unlikely to experience continuously increasing rank. Their rank will hit a plateau years before they die.
Rich children rarely feel pride.
Rich children are born high rank which makes it difficult for them to increase their rank and feel pride. Their inability to feel pride makes them more dysfunctional than average.
Rich children are born high rank which makes it difficult for them to increase their rank and feel pride. Their inability to feel pride makes them more dysfunctional than average.
For more about emotions, visit: Happiness Dissected